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Self-Confidence for the Lolita (taken mostly from www.more-selfesteem.com - an excellent website)

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Jan. 16th, 2007 | 03:43 pm
mood: good good
posted by: liastrife in confident_lolis

1) Feel Good when you Want!

When you need to boost your self confidence or self esteem, find 3 things that make you feel good. These could be memories of good times, a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a person's face - use photos if it helps. It could be as easy as browsing around for a new Lolita dress, or going for a walk, or cooking something tasty for you and your friends and family. These 3 things can be tangible or intangible - Practise thinking about them and bringing them to mind whenever you feel down.

Developing self confidence that lasts - because of the way emotions 'attach' themselves to memories, you will quickly train yourself to feel good when you want - a great help.

2) Beat Self Consciousness

Self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. Learn how to keep your attention off yourself. You can do this easily by following these steps...

a) If you notice you have become self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something 'everyday' you can see and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.

b) If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:

  • find out if you like the other people in the situation
  • make others feel comfortable
  • find out some information
  • make business contacts
  • and so on...

It's easy to feel self-conscious if you have nothing to do, and much more difficult if your attention is occupied by a task!

Think how comfortable you have been with others when you're all working toward a common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends, it could be the exchange of mutually beneficial information, it could be whatever you want it to be!

3) Don't Take Undue Criticism - Even From Yourself !

Challenge your own assumptions. Here's a few to get you started:

a) Confident-looking people have bad moments too! For example, even Lolitas who talk very confidently or look confident in pictures may struggle with their self-esteem sometimes.

b) Just because you feel under-confident, doesn't mean other people can tell.

c) If you're saying things to yourself like "You're no good at anything" then rest assured, you're very wrong! Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat without choking. Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self image. 

Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad for no reason!

Comments {1}


From: rayna1
Date: Jan. 17th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)

I love this post! And if you also have a problem speaking to other or in public due to this self-esteem problem, I suggest taking a speech class :D

I am now and I'm already getting better at my class presentations

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